Hallmark Moment 104 Brilliant Stupidity
by HDorothy
Summary: Daniel has a light bulb moment to get Jack and Sam together which is pretty scary!


Title: Hallmark-Kodak Duct Tape Moment #104 or according to Jack, "Brilliant Stupidity!"

Author: HailDorothy aka HDorothy

Category: humor/romance/angst

Warning: Usual SG-1 language, some swearing

Rating: K+

Season: end of S8

Spoilers: Meridian S521, Threads, Moebius

Pairing: J/S

Summary: Daniel has a light bulb moment – which to me is pretty scary!

Author's Note: Um yes, campers, you heard right. There is a Hallmark-Kodak Duct Tape Moment. I just have to dig deeper in Jack's closet to find it. It's such a mess in there.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

The original characters and situations of this story are the property of said author. HailDorothy ©

Feedback: Gosh, darn, don't make me beg! Pretty Please? Starvation of this writer's muse is no pleasant sight. All feedback is food for thought and well digested. "Feed me, Seymour!" (The Little Shop of Horrors)

**Jack's House: Where a candle burns but no one's home. Well . . .ya get the picture. **

This was it!

Finished!

Over!

Done!

The ever mother-loving last straw!

I, Doctor Daniel Jackson have reached my wits end. Jack O'Neill is going down now! I stomp up his sidewalk and slam my fist against his front door. Dang that hurt!

On the third bang I hear from inside, "For crying out loud, I'm coming!" He flings the door open and gaps at me. "Daniel! What the—?"

I barge in, grabbing the green Guinness bottle from his hand and take a long swig.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill, my best friend, brother-like-bud is speechless. I stole his beer!

"Hey, you don't like Guinness," he barks when I invade his living room and pace before the fireplace.

"Do now!"

His facial features tense and his mouth opens.

"Shut up, Jack!"

"Nah ah!" His back to his favorite chair he sticks up his hands to silence me.

"Sit!" I shove him down so fast I'm impressed. The fact, Jack didn't kick me due south is also amazing.

"Dan—?" his voice lowers dangerously, "You a Snakehead?" He's serious.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Huh?"

"What?" we say in unison. My confused eyes met his baffled ones.

"Forget it." He sighs relief.

"Jack, shut-up! And listen!"

"Crap!" His coffee brown eyes narrow and his mouth flat lines. He's pissed.

I extract my lethal weapon from my back pocket and aim it at him. "Or I'll use this and that includes sealing your irritating Irish yap!"

He eyes the orange duct tape and gulps. This could be a Kodak moment, except I forgot my camera. Darn!

"Hey! Hey!" He puts up his hands. "Ya got the floor. It better be dang— "

I pull on the tape. He concedes and leans back in his chair. The man is absolutely clueless! The idiot!

"I've decided to tell you what I think."

"About?"

I glare.

He shrugs.

"What a jackass you are."

"You had to ascend to figure that out?" slips out before he clams shut.

Okay, I didn't expect Jack to obey, but at least I got my monologue going without being told, "Get out! Mind your own freaking business, Space Monkey!"

I glare.

He mutters and drops his head, rubbing his temples.

"I won't bore your Neanderthal brain with . . . "

His head snaps back, his brows angle upward. _Right, Jack, that was no compliment._

"The fact that these last nine years with you have been the most miserable, exasperating, frustrating years of my life, well except for Sha're and the Ascension part. And," I pause for effect, "this goes for Sam and Teal'c too, they've been worth it."

"Oh." Jack's dark brows dip, his mouth irons out again. I'm not out to hurt his feelings, but I did. The stress cavern between his eyes deepens. Not a dimple to be had. Yes! We have contact. I take another swig of his bitter beer and glance at the German label. Hum . . .Not bad. Must be finally acquiring a taste for it. Getting sidetracked, I shove the bottle into Jack's fidgeting hands. He looks at the bottle's mouth I'd kissed, shudders, and sets it on the lamp table.

"So it comes down to this." I brace a hand on each of his chair arms and lean into him. Another Kodak moment! I have invaded Jack O'Neill's space. Even a Goa'uld would hesitate to make this bold a move. Grimacing, the General sinks deeper into his chair like I'm about to make a hit on him.

_Wow, Daniel, you've got the power!_ We are nose to nose.

"You are going to tell her!"

"Ah, who?" He glances out the window and grimaces.

"Sam, you moron! Man, Jack, do I have to spell it out? Draw you a picture?" I stomp my feet for impact, but the carpet squelches my attempt.

His classical face scrunch makes his brows leap into his forehead before it registers. "Ain't, no way!" He scrubs his face and hair with a hand that breaks eye contact. An important distraction when you're confronting an A.D.D. Jack O'Neill. Which for you, lamebrains, means Adult Attention Deficit Disorder!

"She's engaged, moron!"

"Not anymore."

"What?" His brown eyes widen with shock and relief.

"Yeah, she gave Pete his ring back. Told him she's in love with you."

"Geez! Why am I the last person to get the memo?"

"Coz, you're her CO, idiot!"

"Wish I wasn't," he mumbles.

I dig out the form letters.

Rats, he shut his eyes.

"Jack, if you don't, tell her. I will!" I search for my pen.

"Won't!" His eyes snap open.

"Will!"

"Won't!"

"Will!" We've had this conversation before, just lost track how often. I'm ready to deck him, but I also know what a mean left hook he's got.

Realizing I'm serious, Jack sighs. "When."

"Now!"

"You're nuts! Wacko! Three fries short of a Happy Meal!" His gnarly CO persona regains a foothold as he shoves me aside and comes to his feet. Before my butt is planted on his newly fertilized lawn I pull out a folded paper and cell phone.

"Sign this!" I shove his reassignment orders to D.C. in his face.

He snatches the familiar form and glares accusingly. "Where'd you get this?"

"Um, Walter gave it to me." I cringe.

"The traitor!"

"It's either this or retirement." I offer the crumpled retirement form. " He said you got an entire folder of signed ones dating back to 1998. But this one you left the date blank. So chose and sign on the dotted line, General." I purposely hand him a pen.

"Pretty sure of yourself, Space Monkey." He's starting to chill and I sigh relief.

"One of us has to be." I roll my eyes and snort.

Jack accepts the pen then hesitates. "Heck, even if I do this it, doesn't mean Sam still wants me, Daniel."

"Jack, despite how much it hurt you, you pushed her out of your life so she could test the waters—"

"For crying out loud! The operative word was _test _not fall in love and get married to another government employed Irishman with a four letter name!"

"Well, you sure weren't trying to convince her otherwise."

"I'm her CO. Besides, I was praying she'd realize I loved her enough to set her free, and no matter what, that I'm her safe bet. Had these grand plans that I'd retire, we'd get hitched, go fishing and make babies."

"And she realized it, Jack. That is what you wanted right?"

"Yeah. Well, there's no Carter on my front door, Daniel."

"And I don't see you standing on hers," I counter.

"Touché'!" He offers a tight smile, signs his John Hancock on one form and then dates it.

As he hands me the signed reassignment form the coolest thing happens. Jack's tensed features relax and his dark brown eyes brighten like the friend I know. More important, his mischievous O'Neill smirk creeps across his craggy tanned face. Jack's back!

About time. Yeah, I'm no fool. Grinning like a kid, he shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks on his heels. I notice his right big toe poking out of his worn sock. I reach for the beer and take a long swig. Not bad. The taste that is.

One down, one more to go. Yeah.

"Thanks, Daniel. No matter what, I did intend to resign from the SGC. But about Sam, I'm still not certain it'll work. Not after how I drove her away—"

"Now, Teal'c." I speak into my cellular.

Jack's back door patio door opens and Teal'c enters carrying a bond, gagged, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter into the living room. It's obvious by Teal'c strained expression, she's been a handful. Her anger-fused eyes fire Zat rays at me. Were I a Goa'uld I'd be toast.

"What the frick!" Jack gets a scissors and begins to free Sam's legs and ankles. When he attempts to remove the tape from her hands and mouth, Teal'c intervenes. "Not until Daniel Jackson gives permission."

Sam groans and continues to glare at me.

Jack frowns at the large Jaffa but doesn't argue.

Meanwhile, Sam swings at me with her bound hands. I duck! Jack catches her clenched fists and draws her against him. Her incensed gaze finds his, softens and . . .Wow! Event horizon activated. Real feelings flood the _room_.

I motion for Jack to undo Sam's taped wrists and mouth. Beside her truck driver expletives Sam smiles, well at least at Jack.

His gaze linked to hers Jack cradles her face and snarls at us, "Hey, a little privacy, kids!"

We, the kids, high five each other and head for the kitchen, wondering what Jack's got in his frig besides molding Salas and expensive beer, but not before hearing, "Sam, I'm in love with— "

"Danny boy."

Oh! Huh! I lift my foggy head off my desk. Everything's a BDU standard green blur with silver hair. Someone hooks my glasses over my ears, then a blunt finger shoves them up the bridge of my nose and I see . . . Jack! Crap!

He's wearing his shit assed grin. "Hey come on, sleepyhead, or we'll be late for Carter's briefing. Don't know about you but I for one, don't care to repeat another duct tape, Hallmark-Kodak moment, especially with the discovery of the ZPM. Apparently, a video of SG-1 came with it. A bit odd don'cha think?" He fiddles with the orange tape roll on my desk and makes a face.

_Ah. Ooh. Duct tape? Kodak moment? Hey! Maybe it wasn't a dream. _I grab my notebook, temped coffee, and I'm on his heels. "Jack?"

"Yeah." His hands jammed in his pockets, he halts and glances back. "Wha'sup?"

"Umm, you and Sam?" I give my, 'well ya know,' look.

"Oh, that." He shrugs and says on a sigh, "Same old, same old. At least she's going fishing with us this weekend. Hope it helps get her mind off Jacob's death."

"Yeah." My expression reveals how much I want my friends to get a life, together. I'd thought Sam's acceptence to his fishing invitation would have made his day. _So what's wrong with this picture, Doctor Jackson? _

He pulls his somber face of acceptance and opens the lab's door. "Besides she's got Pete," the sadness in his voice rips through my heart. "Although I'm curious why she's not bringing him."

My mouth drops open as I realize Jack doesn't know there's no more Pete.

"Hey, I appreciate your daydreaming, Daniel. But with the stupid regs between us, it'd take an act of brilliant stupidity before either of us, take it out of the room."

"Uh, sure, right." Brilliant stupidity? Only Jack O'Neill could phrase a contradiction in the same context. Wow! Light bulb moment! I grab the tape and jam it into my back pocket, then ponder what'd it take to bribe Walter. Once in the corridor, I fall into step with my best buddy and smack him square across the shoulders. "So Jack, got a camera?"

Fin


End file.
